My Boyfriend Doesn't Call Me For Days – What Does It Mean?

July 12, 2009 by Elaine Demodel  
Filed under Why Men Don't Call

Here is an e-mail from a reader: I and my boyfriend have been together for over a year. At first things were going great and he called me almost every day and wanted to see me as much as every day when possible. We live pretty far away from each other, but it is within driving distance. Now, we have been dating off and on, and I feel that if anything we are more like friends right now. Friends with benefits? I don't know. But here is the deal;

He is very busy with his job, and he also travels a lot for work. Recently he has also been kinda sick and had to go to the doctor. But it's nothing major.

I understand that he is busy, and he also doesn't like to talk on the phone. He only calls me when he doesn't hear from me for a long time, or when I specifically tell him that he is not calling me, so he calls me just so I won't say that he doesn't call me.

Now, he is not seeing anyone else. I know that for sure because he is always open with me, and in fact out of the two of us I think I have been more into making new friends with guys and having lots of guy friends, etc. more so than he was as far as meeting women.

He is very much of a home buddy so he is not the type to go clubbing. He'd rather stay home and do something at home then chase skirts, so I know he is not cheating.

When I call him, he usually answers the phone right away even if he is in the middle of something at the moment. And when he is in the middle of something job-related, etc. he lets me know what he is doing and that he will call me back.

But sometimes he doesn't answer the phone when I call, and can go for days without returning my phone call. Then I end up calling him again, and he tells me he was busy or out of town on business which is ok. But I personally think, how much time does it take to send a text and say, hey busy in a meeting? Or something...

It doesn't take that long at all!

I told him one time that I called and he never called me back, and that I was worried because I knew he had been sick and I was calling to check in with him and he didn't call me back. I told him that I was worried about him and that it's not fair to me to be so worried, and that he should have called me back. And I am talking, he did not call me for days.

I am a pretty patient person. I don't ask him to call me every single day, or to call me back right away. But going without calling me back for days is not acceptable.

Last time I saw him when he came over to spend a couple of days at my place. That was several days ago. Since then I never heard from him. I did not call him either, as I was busy and also because I think he should have called me at some point just to check in with me. Nothing.

Ok, some guys will say, why don't you give him a call? Well, ok, I understand I could. However I think that even if he is not calling me because he is waiting for me to call him first, if he was missing me, he would have called me regardless.

What do you think? Should I call him?

Thanks for your advice!

Ok, so this is the e-mail I received from one of my subscribers, and even though I have a specific opinion about this situation, I really want to hear from others what they think, so please leave your comment in the comment box telling us your opinion about this.

Comments

64 Responses to “My Boyfriend Doesn't Call Me For Days – What Does It Mean?”
  1. crazy4him says:

    Ok ladies, I've got one for you. My honey & i have been dating for about 6 months now. He & I work in the same building. I work in the office area & he works in the back. So how can he even use I'm soo busy as an excuse not to at least stick his head in the door to check me out since he's apparently so busy that he can't make time to call later on in the day??? Idk, i love him so much, but am also tired of being played. I want to be with someone who is willing to devote to me the same time, care, & attention i devote to them. Cause i can tell u straight up, this sh*** is for the birds...

    • alissa says:

      ok just like u said "tired of being played. I want to be with someone who is willing to devote to me the same time, care, & attention i devote to them. Cause i can tell u straight up, this sh*** is for the birds...
      " he isnt the one for u. u even admitted tht in ur comment so move on find someone who is willing to spend time with u and call u just to hear ur voice its as simple as tht move on girl he isnt worth the time

  2. Nita says:

    Well, I am in similar situation. Last year, he approached on Facebook. He inboxed me a question. In couple hours, he asked me out on a date. The first couple times I turned him down because He was not my type. His personality, words, and compliments swayed me. I agreed to go out with him, and he could not do it. He gave no explanation. I did not have a problem with it. We continue to talk.. He would text me and call me. We made plans to go out on another date. I get dress and I am waiting on him to come. We live 50 mins away from each other. Text me about 4hrs. later to tell me that he could not do it. He has big opportunity. To make up to me, he said that he would come visit me. The whole week, he promised & never came. Presently, we have not been on a date. We text and talk on the phone. Now, he does not respond to my text, and we barely talk on thephone. He travels all over the country for his job, & he has a young child. I complained about him not responding & not calling me. I always ask why we have not been out and when can I see him? I text him everyday, and he said that it is too much. "He interested in me, but he is so busy. He is not going anywhere. I need be patient and relax." I have started developing feelings for him. I do not understand how you travel all over the country, but you can not make it 50 minutes to see me. I do not understand. When I ask what is up, his answer is I am busy, but relax it will happen. We decided to cool it for a couple weeks. Yesterday was our first dayback talking. He said that I was texting and calling too much. He felt harass. I wanted to know answers & he was not responsing. I asked for couple days. What shoul I do? He is good man, but I need so much more fhim.

    We decided to take a break for a couple.

  3. poppy says:

    i am going out with one really nice guy we went out 3 times i can feel taht he likes me cos when we go out he do lot of things for me he love spending time with me...the problem is he doesnt call me and txt me i've seen him 8 days ago he deosnt call me at all i used to txt him i stoped txting him too i dont know what to do maybe it is over but when i saw him last time he even wanted to give me one of his mobile cos my one is broken i am bit confuesed please help!!!

    thank you soo muchhh

  4. Alissa Q says:

    ok so this is what happened i used to go to skewl with him in 6th grade thts when we started dating were still ating nd im about to go into 9th grade but a few weeks ago he moved out of state and at first the long distance thing was working but he hasnt talked to me in like a week nd yesterday i got a call from him while i was getting my hair cut so i told him i would call him back then when i did he said he would call me when he got home but he didnt call me, so today i saw him on facebook nd i IMed him nd he asked me to txt him cuz he had to get off so we txtd for like two mins and he didnt reply after tht he is always saying he is busy but i dont know with what. i would breakup with him but ive been dating him for 3 yrs nd he is my first boyfriend. but i think he might be getting tired of dating the same person for so long i thing he is cheating on me what should i do?

  5. sameoldstory says:

    Hi Ladies,
    I am having the same issue. It is hard to be in a relationship when you don't have time to be in a relationship. The hard reality is that if you want time and attention that he does not have for you, you will have to wait on him or move on.

    Sometimes a relationship is not a man’s first priority. And sometimes rightfully so. If he is trying to go to school and do something better with his life, then he may be a catch but he may not be ready for something that takes that amount of time commitment.

    I travel for work and I let every guy know that I do before we get involved, but I call them or they call me everyday as long as I am in the country. If I am not then I can setup a time where we message each other. Women tend to be better at spending time or making time to spend, if they value people's time and relationships (family, friends, boyfriends, etc). Men are not as organized or can't multi-task but if he is thoughtful, caring, trustworthy, giving, handsome, and only has eyes for you try to find things that will keep you busy. Cause if you have too much time on your hands it will only make things worse. You may even cheat or find another man w/ the same tendencies. Also don't call him, let him call you if he is busy. And finally, set expectations up front before you get involved. Its hard b/c men will call 10 times a day, then they stop calling. They lay on the romance to get you hooked and when you are, they stop cold turkey.

    At first, my boyfriend of 8 months was always calling and wanting to spend time. He is in school and I was traveling for work every week Mon-Thurs, and I am also in school. We were good, he called, I called, and we saw each other EVERYDAY that I was home. I also had class on Saturday morning. Then in 2.5 months everything flipped flopped. He said that school became difficult for him and he pledged a professional fraternity. I work 50+ hours a week, travel for work, and I go to school too. I felt that it was NO excuse (especially sense it’s a professional fraternity and not one of those social ones). I was thinking we could still see each other Thursday-Sunday. But I saw him less and less. I went 3 weeks without seeing him or hearing from him and he lives one exit up the interstate (literally 3-4 miles). No phone calls, nothing. I would text him and ask if he was okay and he may respond back. Eventually, we broke up.

    He wanted to get back together, I felt like we should take it slow. But he insisted that I was his girlfriend. So I said ok, cause I love him, knowing that he wasn’t ready. We got back together and I told him that if we are together then we should spend time together and this is my expectation. My thoughts are that if I am alone, I might as well be alone and single or with someone else. After we got back together things were ok for a while, about a month, and now things are starting to fizzle out again. If a person likes being alone or needs a lot of time to themselves ok, I need time too and obviously I’m ok w/ being alone or I wouldn’t travel for work. But neglect and abandonment is something totally different. I try to put up with it b/c we are both in school. But he is not in school during the summer. And its summer, he is just working, and I am working and studying for a test that I have to take to transfer schools to finish my MBA. And I may see him 2x per week which is not bad, but I am the one making the plans for us to see each other. I’m literally taking on the load of the relationship. And its not anything fancy, it is just watching tv or a movie rental together. You have to know what you want. You shouldn’t be clingy that is not good at all but don’t be unhappy. If you want to see each other 2-3 times per week then tell him so. If he doesn’t do the work to make sure that you do see each other then move on. Cause a man will do what he tells you to when he wants you. Otherwise, stay busy if he is busy. But you should not be in a relationship that is not healthy and with a guy that is not ready to be in a relationship. Even if he is a one girl guy that doesn’t mean he is ready to be serious or has time to put forth the effort and hard work it takes for a great relationship. You don’t need that.

  6. Sarah says:

    He's probably busy. You should tell him that you should just be friends and that you need someone that gives you more attention and care.

    • If a guy doesn't call he is either not normal, he has Asperger's or some other genetic disorder or he simply doesn't give a shit about you. Stop moping and find someone else. A guy who doesn't call most likely sees women all over town. Wake up and smell coffee LOL
      He is just using you for sex and he will use lots of other women in his life the same way. Don't ever call a guy, If he wants you and loves you, he will call you !

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