My Boyfriend Doesn't Call Me For Days – What Does It Mean?
July 12, 2009 by admin
Filed under Why Men Don't Call
Here is an e-mail from a reader: I and my boyfriend have been together for over a year. At first things were going great and he called me almost every day and wanted to see me as much as every day when possible. We live pretty far away from each other, but it is within driving distance. Now, we have been dating off and on, and I feel that if anything we are more like friends right now. Friends with benefits? I don't know. But here is the deal;
He is very busy with his job, and he also travels a lot for work. Recently he has also been kinda sick and had to go to the doctor. But it's nothing major.
I understand that he is busy, and he also doesn't like to talk on the phone. He only calls me when he doesn't hear from me for a long time, or when I specifically tell him that he is not calling me, so he calls me just so I won't say that he doesn't call me.
Now, he is not seeing anyone else. I know that for sure because he is always open with me, and in fact out of the two of us I think I have been more into making new friends with guys and having lots of guy friends, etc. more so than he was as far as meeting women.
He is very much of a home buddy so he is not the type to go clubbing. He'd rather stay home and do something at home then chase skirts, so I know he is not cheating.
When I call him, he usually answers the phone right away even if he is in the middle of something at the moment. And when he is in the middle of something job-related, etc. he lets me know what he is doing and that he will call me back.
But sometimes he doesn't answer the phone when I call, and can go for days without returning my phone call. Then I end up calling him again, and he tells me he was busy or out of town on business which is ok. But I personally think, how much time does it take to send a text and say, hey busy in a meeting? Or something...
It doesn't take that long at all!
I told him one time that I called and he never called me back, and that I was worried because I knew he had been sick and I was calling to check in with him and he didn't call me back. I told him that I was worried about him and that it's not fair to me to be so worried, and that he should have called me back. And I am talking, he did not call me for days.
I am a pretty patient person. I don't ask him to call me every single day, or to call me back right away. But going without calling me back for days is not acceptable.
Last time I saw him when he came over to spend a couple of days at my place. That was several days ago. Since then I never heard from him. I did not call him either, as I was busy and also because I think he should have called me at some point just to check in with me. Nothing.
Ok, some guys will say, why don't you give him a call? Well, ok, I understand I could. However I think that even if he is not calling me because he is waiting for me to call him first, if he was missing me, he would have called me regardless.
What do you think? Should I call him?
Thanks for your advice!
Ok, so this is the e-mail I received from one of my subscribers, and even though I have a specific opinion about this situation, I really want to hear from others what they think, so please leave your comment in the comment box telling us your opinion about this.
I am going to do you a favor (we used to do this with our college roommates). Give me your address....I;m coming over and taking every phone out of your house and hands. No more phone privileges for you. STOP calling him. He doesn't deserve someone as nice as you.
I'll monitor your calls...if your mom or work calls, I;ll let you know. Or if David Beckham or Brad Pitt call, I;ll pass that message along also.
my honest opinion is ur boyfriend adores u bt u r nt his evrythn.gals, a guy dnt cal r thse he doesnt luv. beliv me 4get abt him n get som one n who told who does date other gals. silnt guys r mo deadly in rltionshps l knw dat cos am one.am kinda datin a gal now 4 almst 5yrs l only cal ha wen l feel like spikin wit som one or wen she complains. ,
You are not alone. I also have a boyfriend who is a working freak!!! But my boyfriend also loves to clubbing and drinking beers with guys friends. I also have the same problem as u... the longest, we have not talked with each other for two weeks!!! he asked me, "do i need to call u everyday??" Of course he does not, but he does not call me for 2 weeks also!!
I think, if he is not calling u after u date with him for a year.. then what happen with 2 or 3 years???
Trust akkbar, quiet guys are more deadly. The quieter they are and the less they call the more they are cheating. And if they claim to be busy with work, school, they are juggling women. One guy I dated, had a full time job, is in the national guard, was taking classes at night and was juggling 5 women. We each got one weekend a month. He would start to communicate with me when he was coming in town and then silence. Why is he silent, he is busy with his other girl. It is hard to juggle multiple women and keep the histories straight, hence the silence.
Move on. No one is too BUSY to cultivate a relationship. No ONE. The busiest man in the world, Barack Obama, makes time for his wife and children!
oh yea....get the book He is Not that Into You.
if he is not calling you, if he is not dating you, if he is not asking you out, he is not that into you. In fact, he is not into you at all.
I have beenand I am in a like situation. To give him credit when we met and "fell in love" he was all over me, constant attention-he said he was so busy with two jobs and school that he couldn't devote the time to being a boyfriend then asked for a 2 year friendship. Then he proceeded to act like a boyfriend without the sex. After 3 months I thought he might be gay or juggling women. He claimed he was abstinent! I broke it off but he got me back into him. I broke it off two more times and he claimed he really cared and was trying to show me respect by not pursuing sex.I gave him an ultimatum, make me his girlfriend or let me go to date other guys.he wouldn't ask me to be his. Then I started dating someone elseand he got jealous. Long story short if I didn't love him so much I would have left long ago. Going two to three weeks without contact is common, then I get like 6 calls a day when he is out of school. To his benefit I have talked to him at all hours. I've found no evidence of other women or a wife although he refuses to take me to his place, sometimes I think he is homeless by choice or is just not that into me. Again, I am beautiful, educated and wealthy which intimidates him, but he is the only man I really love and want to be with,other men are sorry seconds compared to him "he's finishing his PhD right now. Anyhoo either I trust him or I don't. In the end I rationalized it's better to love and lose than not love at all. I'd rather have his every other week contact than talk to a guy I don't love everyday. Trust me, I know how pathetic it sounds and wish I could move on. Unfortunately he's so unique, funny, handsome and special I'll never meet anyonethat comes close to his brilliance, so I'm suffering, dying for his attention. My hope is when he finishes school, I win!!!! If not, at least I didn't settle for some really nice guy who was in love with me, but whom I couldn't love wholly. I think it would be unfair to pretend with another man. To address the question above, if you love a man love him wholly if you find out he isn't worthy of your love or doen't want you, then move on or accept the pieces he gives you. Because I know this one thing, just because a man doesn't love you the way you want to be loved doesn't mean he doesn't love you the best way he knows how.My man says I tell him I love him but he SHOWS me he loves me...and he does try to do a lot for me, just doesn't always call or text everyday, which I really want him to do.I'm keeping hope alive, maybe I'll win!!!
Communicate is the open key for a relationship. If the men does not want to contact u with any how... it means that he does not love you as much as u do. Even in his mind, he loves you so much. But without action means NOTHING!! Remember is NOTHING!!! I used to be like u, crazy about my boyfriend calls me... but not anymore, because if he cares he will call. If he does not, u have no need to call him back more than once... because he does not worth for it. Just keep in mind that he does not call u, does not mean that he cheats. But it means that he cares about some other things more than u. He is not that into u.
jennifer, u r totally true..evn i m going thru the same situation but my relationship wid hm has just begin....he give prefernces to other thngs first...n then if he misses me a lot..only then he calls me...sometimes he doesnt reply at all...but one thng i m sure of is that he really loves me and wants to be with me in relationship but in his way....on top of that i m impatient , i want him to call me often and be there with me the whole day...my advice to all the girls who are facing this situation..if u want to be in relationship with him..then ,stop calling him..stop texting him..if only he takes the first step to call u then u can reply.but do not show like u were diying to hear his voice.act normally..make him bit jealous..do just like he does....he'll get it...girls we need to be very smart....guyz are like dat only...if they get u they doesnt care abt u....
I feel you!! My boyfriend of 9 months appears to be too busy for me. He said he would prefer it if we didn't talk during the week because he works second shift and is tired before and after work. I agreed. Now, it is football season and every darn weekend it looks like he is preoccupied with sports!! He loves something, but I don't think its me. I am trying to give him the benefit of the doubt, because like your friend, he is a very open and honest person and I think he would tell me if there was someone else. He said that I am over-reacting because I do not work and have a lot of free time on my hands. Maybe. All I can tell you is if it is bothering you and it gets under your skin, the do something about it. Maybe you should dump him. I haven't made up my mind yet, so I can sympathize with you. Good luck
Okay, so after reading some of the responses some of u ladies are/had common experiences, my heart goes out to you all.
I, myself am having a similar problem with a man i love dearly. We've been together for 4 years on and off. We dated for two years broke up for two years and just decided to go out again less than a month ago.
Well..he went to London for a business trip and didnt even contact me at all while there.What an ass! Then he was asked to stay for another 3 days and didnt even call or email me to let me know. But i saw that we was on his fb commenting on football! Guess football is more important than a girlfriend.
He got back last nite, he texted me while still on the plane to tell me he's back. I dont know if i will put up with that crap, im might break up with him this weekend. havent decided yet,guess it depends what he tells me when i see him in person.
ladies be strong! im sure there tons of men out there willing to treat u 10 times better!
good luck
First of all, give the guy some credit. How does he treat you generally. Sometimes guys really are busy and are out with friends or it could be anything. From what I know, guys can only concentrate on one thing at a time. Often times, women think about their man and analyze the relationship more than they do. I'm not saying men are not intelligent, but they just don't put as much energy into the details of when and how often to call. They call when they want. We have to be patient. If you can't be, you must move on. I'm sure your bf loves and cares about you...you just have to confront him about it and let him know how much it upsets you that he doesn't call...and then see what he does.
I agree with perfect girl...i have the same exact situation with my bf as her. Except we only went NC for 2 weeks once. But I agree with her....if you love him so much, either take him for what he is and what he is willing to give you, or move on to someone who will give you exactly and all that you want.
Unfortunately, you can't ever force a man to do something he doesn't want to do, I totally agree wit you that men should take theresponsibility to call you at least once daily to check on you. But, you still only his girlfriend, not even his fiance so he is not YET your man, I mean you should not complaint. And if you really want him to call you more often, show him indirectly that calls is his task not yours, and this by not ever contact him first, or take it easy and call him whenever you miss him... you don't have many choices here, either stop calling completely and let him do all calling even it takes a century, or call him at any time you miss him. I would rather choose the first option, and I watch how he acts, and how he cares, it is a chance to reveal his real feelings....
oops gals, gals, gals,
u knw its like everyone of us is being faced with the same problem, but one important thing that we all have to understand is that the pyschology of men and women are quite different, women are created to be so sensitive with relationship matters unlike men,
my guy hasnt called for just a day but of course i feel bad, when men are occupied they hardly think of love matters, of course its important to give him space, but excuse me.. if he doesnt call for a week then that is an issue, dont panic, just investigate slowly but keenly.. its just nat easy for a persson who is crazy about u to be quite for a long time, i had a relationship with my ex, for four years and he would call me everyday,
but also, its not necessary for him to start calling you, you can also be the one to call him, bt just be careful that you dont do it everyday, coz you also have to let him miss you and call you back.. and most of all if your guy is so quite, you also kip quite and pretend to be busy, i surely tel you he will be the one calling and complaining why you are so quite,
more over, my fellow gals, get yourself busy with other stuffs like the hobbies that you have, stop thinking of your guy daily, that way he wont hurt you, though dont get very busy, have time for him,
actually that is what i do with my guy, even if he has been so quite i pretend to be okay though am hurt , dont let a man see ypur tears..... and so he feels bad and begs me to forgive me,,,,,,, you knw silence punishes eh..... but jst dont overdo it, one step at a time.
those are my sincere coments.
I know exactly how you feel. I have been with my boyfriend for 3 and a half years and up until a few weeks ago he wanted to chat every day, insisting that we speak for at least 2 hours. I found this to be excessive myself but love him so made myself available and sacrificed different things to accomodate his calls. The thing that bugged me from the start though was that if we argued he would withhold his calls and not answer mine.
More recently he has shifted the goal posts and is claiming that he is too busy to speak most of the time, either that he is working overtime or is too tired. I feel paranoid and hurt, especially as it was always him wanting to chat so much in the first place. I find it difficult to just wait around for his next move, my fingers get restless where the phone is concerned. I see similarities to the first lady here as my man is a homebody also who has no interest in partying etc but I find it strange that he spends too much time glued to his blackberry reading and replying to emails while I'm in his company at weekends (we live 70 miles away and think that the emails could wait). The phone is also never left around anywhere, I think he must wear it around his neck. I am like another one of you here, I don't want anybody else, we connect so much, at least I thought that we did.
what about if i offended him before.then i beg for his forgivenss and he just tells me he needs some time and he does not call me as before
I kno how u feel cuz im goin thru it now ...my boyfriend tryed so hard 2 get wit me n I finally gave him dat chance afta 2months n wen im wit him everything is gud he tell me how much he luv me n look out 4 me wen im wit him but wen im not wit him he dnt call awk or 2wks can go by then he call checking up on me ...I call him like almost everyday n he wud stay on da fone wit me for like 5mins b4 he have to go n do sumthin..but call me stupid I luv him n wanna b wit him...even tho he dnt call like he shud probably one day he c dat im realli dat girl 4 him dat he wud make time 4 more..idk wat 2 do I use to think about breakn up wit him all da time but couldn't find my self to do it...I kno he wouldn't cheat on me cuz wen my so called friend hit on him he cuss her out n came n told me about da whole thing..idk do wat ur heart is telling u 2 do...dat da best choice dat u can make for urself n ur relationship
I have the same challenge with my man..when he is with his kids ( first marriage ) on the weekend he doesnt call, when he works he doesnt call....only few days before he comes to my place he calls and text and is excited to see me, when he is with me he is the most affectionate , loving person i have ever had...
at times he is depressed , so he says.. about work and kids etc.
and i feel i cant be another burden...
are we women adjusting to much ?
are they cheating ?
are we to easy ?
dont know, but i broke up with one man before after a 8 year relation, because he didnt give me enough attention, but now i idealise him...we lived together and he was always there for me ! DAILY from day one
the new one who promissed me the world, IS NOT !
Life...I regret to have broken with previous partner..
do we want it all ? will I again break this relation..because it isnt perfect enough ? and than regret ?
are we taking it all to serious ?
I feel terrible now because I'm experiencing that with my current bf. We've just been dating for 2 months and he used to call me and chat with me everyday. but there are times lately that he is missing in action and cannot be reached. suddenly when he gets back, he would talk about a lot of stuff like his phone got stolen, or there was an emergency at home or was so busy.
just recently, a lot of things happened. He lost his cellphone. i lost my phone too. so it's difficult for us to get in touch. but then i wonder why he doesnt leave me message via YM. i getparanoid sometimes thinking that he would just one day leave me. but then when we're together we have fun really and he makes me feel that he loves me...the last time he talked, he assured me of his love. but when he's missing like this, i feel terrible....and then he said to me that for him, it's okay that sometimes he doesnt talk to me...because he trusts me and he belives that i'm in good hands...
ok heres the thing me and my boyfreind have been together for about 2 monthes
i asked him out and he said yes me and him talked almost everyday and he called me we are long distance because he moved i am now in mi and hes in ny idk what his problem is but he hasent talked to me in over 2 and a half weeks does he not want to talk to me anymore? or do you think he is just busy? well i dont think to busy because he always made me feel special and that he loved me and everything else i need some advice on if i should stay with him or break up with him
pz guys help me 2
)
my bf is also busy ! but he actually busy with work and out of work
` we live in 2 deff cities
` he is sick ( cancer
` i know he loves me
` am the 2nd grl in his life , the first 1 was a bitch ,, she a ctually left him after 5 years relationship .. and i alwyas thik that , that grl miseed him up
` am always jealous from her
`when he`s in the hospital .. we`ll spend 4 days with out talking 2 each other ! i get worried ! want 2 know if he is ok
` i cant as no way go 2 him !
` when he is out of the hospital .. he is so busy ! maybe it will pass 2 days and after that he`ll call me once
`he would wake up and open the net , and photoshop his photos .. and do somthing els rather than talkin 2 me ,, or he would call me just 4 half an hour
` i wd answer his calls where , an whene ever i am ! but he DONT
i lv talking 2 him ! i lv`t !
wt do u think ?
thanks i am in a similar situation...i better let go
From my own personal experiences with various men and long-term relationships,
i would say your boyfriend is just not that into you anymore. who knows, maybe he never was. otherwise, like you said, whats the harm in calling or texting to check up on you at least every other day? If he cares, HE WILL CALL. bottom line. dont listen to these people who say he cares but needs his space. IF HE MISSES U, HE WILL CALL U without having to let you feel the way you do. you dont need us to confirm what you already know. Time makes no difference, because if you still care about someone, it doesnt matter how many years you've been with them, you will call them regularly. It means YOU CARE, not that you are overbearing. My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years, and he calls me every single day to say "what are we doing today?". i used to get frustrated if it took him all day long to call me, but I realized that its healthy for people to have space, and i settled for the fact that at least he calls me every single day AND tries to see me. but not speaking for days upon end or not returning your calls is a RED FLAG.
talk to him about this, and break up. why put yourself through this day upon day? it sounds like an old story that keeps getting retold. men are very simple, not complicated. HE IS JUST BORED and probably DOESNT CARE like he used to. good luck
I am in the same situation right now. I met this guy 5 months ago. He's not of the same race. He came to my place for an event but the first time i saw him, i got so attracted to him that i could not take him off my mind. When he got back to the US to continue his studies, we began to chat everyday. I was so used to it. He buzzed when he woke up, before he left for school, when he came from school, when would be doing something. I felt so special and loved by someone. He's smart and I love smart guys. He told me he liked me very much but i was a bit reluctant at the beginning coz i wanted to be sure. But he kept talking to me everyday, until i fell for him but i didn't tell him but i knew he sensed it. Who would sustain talking to a guy if you don't have a feeling for him. I helped him in his assignments and became so very closed on YM. He always asked me to fly to where He is. Until a day came when we talked for several hours and something happened that both of us could not explain and did not understand. He said he felt bad of me being emotional. Guys dont like emotional women, but we, women are very sensitive, yeah? We want attention. But men are different. I talked to him but he said he needed space. We were not on a BF/GF stage yet but we acted like it. So, i felt i was dumped. I was hoping and keeping that hope alive. Three weeks had passed and he didn't bother to leave a message on YM. I buzzed but he ignored me. It crushed me to the ground. At first I was having a hard time moving on coz i was really in love with him. But i have to accept the fact the he's gone and he's not coming back. I still cry sometimes when I remember the sweet memories I had with him for 5 months straight.
I swear, I will never love again. I have decided to be a spinster. Funny but am now very scared of loving someone and later on be dumped.
I'm in a very similar situation right now. My bf and I have been together off and on for 3 years now. He doesn't like to call or text much, so we don't. He puts his friends and his work ahead of me. If I'm lucky, I see him once a week. More often, it's once a month, or once every few months when he's busy.If I'm busy, I'm expected to drop everything to spend time with him.
I come last on his list of priorities. It sounds like you come last on that guy's list too. No, it doesn't mean they're cheating. It means you just don't mean as much to them as they mean to you. You are being shortchanged.
I know he isn't going to change. It doesn't sound like your guy will either. Trying to make them jealous works for a few days, but...you still aren't first on their list. Their friends, their work, tv shows, laundry, etc. all rank above you. If you can live with that, and accept that you won't ever be treated the way you want to be treated, stay in the relationship.
I thought I could accept that but I'm beginning to have second doubts, especially after he started talking about one of his female friends a lot recently, without ever having mentioned her before.
I've been in a FWB relationship now for 2 years. I was definitely the one who started chasing him. I did the calling. I did most of the talking. For god sakes, looking back I was pathetic. Now, I feel that he has slowly let down his guard towards me. We have spent the weekends together for over a year now and there have been times where we spend 4-6 nights a week together. We have definitely got closer and bridged the gap of me chasing him to us being on par with one another. It has taken SO much time!
No matter how distant we try to be mentally, there comes a time where emotions take a hold on you and relationships change. Its partially after spending a ton of time with another person and part the fact that we're human. That being said, I truly love this man now. I love him and yet I feel that in the grand scheme of things, I give so much of my time/effort/concern/help/desire/energy towards him and I merely get crumbs in return. It's a difficult situation because when we are together, it's usually great energy. It's not based on sex either. We hang out, laugh, watch movies, talk, share thoughts, cuddle etc.
He went out of town this week for work. He called me the morning before he left saying he was leaving and that "he'd talk to me". It's now been 3 full evenings and I haven't heard from him! Pisses me off to be honest. I mean how hard is it to pick up the freekin' phone and say hi. Even if he isn't in the mood to talk for a long while, just tell me you are tired or busy or anything but you are calling to say hi and that you'll call me when you get back into town. Is that asking too much? I don't really feel like it is.
I'm not sure what to do about this. I'm pretty confident he will come back to town and want to spend his weekend with me, as per usual. I just don't know if I want to keep this sort of relationship up for much longer.
My heart is invested in this man and that makes it nearly impossible for me to be open enough to meet anyone else, perhaps someone better for me who will give me so much more. A person who doesn't leave me hanging. A person who will share more of their emotions with me and let me know where exactly I stand. The most I have got from him in the past 2 years is "I have deep feelings for you" WTF does that mean!? I guess "he's just not that into me".
Sad how I can be so stuck on a person who truly doesn't deserve the mass amounts of love I give to him. I hate myself for feeling weak. I hate the fact that I have spent 2 years wondering and losing a sense of who I really am. I wish I had more personal self confidence and self worth.
Perhaps one day I'll figure it out. Does anyone out there relate to me?
sorry for rambling. *sigh*
Dear don't be that sad, love is the most sincere and noble feeling in human's life, please don't be that hard on your self... i am sure he cares for you, but may be is a complicated guy who has issues with being open for a lovely woman like you or a man who runs from responsibility. you love him that's no doubt, but try not to ive him your full attention, live your life, look at this issue like you don't wait fpr any results or outcome, give the other sides of your life your full attention, meet new people, and if you feel one day you are falling in love with a new person just let your self falling, let life take its own pace, don't stop life, my be one day he will realise how he loves you and didn't even admit it to himself, or may be you will meet someone better, who knows, just don't wait for anything out of this relationship, either it comes or not, who cares ... Smile please
I met this guy earlier in January - everything going fine (or so I thought, still thinking!) We havn't done it yet but, he keeps telling me that I am his woman, he's my man, and my body is his - he wants us to get a place together etc etc. He knows what he wants, he wants me etc etc (so he says). Whenever I'm with him which is just on a weekends (Saturday or maybe Sunday, if I'm lucky) he's always spending time on his blackberry...yes even in my presence. I told him that I heard he was thinking of getting back with his ex. He said that they had a chat but he told her there was no turning back. (I kept the txt by the way as proof). I asked him just a few weeks ago if he was seeing anyone - he said no - that he hadn't had sex for 16 months - but he must be getting his kicks from somewhere surely. He'd split with his wife, and ex girlfriend (told me she cut his suit up and almost ran him over with the car - I wonder why? he said she was jealous of him and how other women were staring at him when he dresses up. I must admit, his teeth aint all that brilliant, their really disgusting to be honest, and his breath does smell quite a bit - but I dare not tell him. Anyway back to the blackberry - he's always on it constantly, I mean constantly; tells me he checks up on Chelsea football results - which he does by the way, but surely not that often!!. He was suppose to pick up my jacket from the cleaners since January - still hasn't picked it up - always making excuses, and telling me he forgot. He can't (he said even sleep at night because he has too much on his mind. I think he's seeing someone - I am the one that txt him all the time - if I don't txt him to see how he is he don't response. He only txts when I txt him. He makes promises and can't keep them, he forgets things, his mind is completely all over the place. The other day I met his friend Fred - and he said to him `oh this is so and so (meaning me, he mentioned my name) my "boyfriend" said yes, Fred said, but you didn't tell me she was attractive did you? My "boyfriend just stared at him and smiled. Fred then said, "I dont know what she sees in you". My "boyfriend" always said that he doesn't like when I talk about him, yet he talks about me - he said he didn't he likes to keep his private life, private. Is he ashamed of me or what. I'm black, he's white - I'm not ashamed of him at all. I am always giving - I gave him money, because he is not working, I paid for cinema tickets for us to see movies, I buy food for him etc I'm the one who is always giving to him. what should I do?? Help. He's a Pieces and I'm Sagitarrius
leave him asap.....he has taken u for granted..he doesnt love u.....!!!
Veronica again, I did tell my "boyfriend" that if he met someone, he should be honest and tell me so that I can move on with my life - I'm still waiting for him to tell me. Yet he said that he would never hurt me.
ive been with my boyfriend for 2 months. We spent an awesome day at his house no sex just he spoilt me so much. The next day he even text to ask if my parents now know bout him andwat they said. Then he stopped calling or speaking to me. If i ask wats wrong he says im working and sick. I asked if i can call he said im busy callu later and he never called. I miss i call him he wont pick up. Even if i call from other numbers and he cant see whose calling him. I text him to ask if he wants me to go away just say so and ill dissappear. But he wont reply.im so heartbroken i feel like dyi
ng
Ladies, listen to me since I am a guy. No matter how many hours I work, I usually find a minute or 20 minutes out of my 24 hrs to check up on my girlfriend. So if your man is acting busy, then he is not that into you. He is either using you for sex or just like the attention. Sometimes it's easier for us guys to find girls. Sometimes I can't help it but I love my girl and that keeps me from cheating.
Before I met my girlfriend, I was dating 3 girls at the same time. I usually will
ignore her to make it easier for me. I rather make her leave then me kicking her out. That way it was easier.
thank ladies I feel exactly the same way now. U give ur all to someone and all they do is just get a big head. Am not talking abt sex either. exactly how is it so hard to call and say hi, been thinking abt u. Are there any normal guys out there anymore ?? Why do we have to beg for a text.
been seein dis guy for a month now.we do chat on IM but i always start wit the chat.its a kinda a LDRelationship.he always tells me dat if he doesn't call or text doesn't mean he doesn't care or think about me.we chat for hrs non stop.am gettin so attached to him.ve complained but wat he told he's not just use to being this far frum sme1 he wants and cared about.and he's not very good in gisting on the phone dat he wld rather c me.i went over last to c him and he said he's planning comin over to spend sme time.he's also planning to get me a job where he's.but am confused does he rili care.he said he thinks about me everytime dat my picture is imprinted in his head.dat i sholud just be patient.but for how long.i want to settle down soon and he's agein too lol.i nid to know cos i ve a guy some where buggin me but i feel nothing for him despite the fact dat a pastor said he's my future partner.but no hard feelings am so confused
Im 23 a male yea im gay. .can someone please help me. Now I haven't been dating this boi this boi that long. But its been two months. His name is sheer. I believe that if someone is able to make sacrifices also proves that your into them.during our first month we were completely ga ga over each other. But in that month i needed to go to Arizona to bread some pits with my partner. After my partner brought ticket made arrangements I didn't go because of puppy love. I just was so into shaeer and he was thrilled. But then a week later I was going thru a tuff time and he left me to go to smoke weed in the bronx. Early afternoon he left didn't come back until about 3am said he didn't cheat. I really needed him day day I told him how i felt and he said I just wanted to argue that's what he always say when i express my feelings.
Then one morning we had some dumb arrgument about some bullshit I forget but wasnt important. I dropped him off home and wasn't talking. I called repeatedly to apologize even though it was our fault but he wouldn't answer because he is power hungry. I pulled over to text him im sorry then i was car jackkd. After 2hours lata he finally answers and he breaks up with me all he could think about was the little argument.
Then i cried and he then left to Washington dc. We got back together as he was away then he wouldn't call me for days i confronted him he said sorry. Then he said he will b coming home the next day then the next day. Finally its been a week the day he said was was leaving all of a sudden he goes a whole day with out answering his phone then the next day he says he thought he lost it but intact it was in his friends car. He says im sorry baay gets on bus with thoughts of being with me to make up on his mind so i thought. He tells me later that night he is local again but he is going to Brooklyn to smoke with friends.
I said fine can i pick up later this was around 9 he says no no someone is going to drop me back off home. We live in newark different places. So I said ok baay just call when u get in he text ok. We never talked while he was away just text. Come to find out he never came home that night he came back today this afternoon. I broken up with him he didn't care about me just weed and friends is what he thought about. I felt unappreciated and neglected the whole two months but was he cheating ?someone help me
And does he or could he really care about me?
He hasn't called me since i called it off he never really had a problem with not calling me. Ladies what should i do should I let my love go for him.and its not true when they say what u cant see wont hurt u. Because sometimes what u cant see u feel and I really feel hurt i dont kno wut to do i want to call but i should love myself .but i love shaeer still. Help im serious
leave him....itz nt worth loving him so mch..even im going 2 leave my boyfreind..coz he doesnt call me...n wen i call him...suppose on wednesday ,he texts me dat honey i ll talk 2 u on saturday....as if i hv 2 take appointment 2 talk 2 him....
I m awso facing the same challenge.Me and my bf met few months back but it seems to me that he is used to me now. The way he treats me culd tell. He will neva call or text me for dayz and if I complain bout that than he will tell me that he is very buzy. He will only tell me what he might be buzy with if I m seriously gettin to dump him. There are times that he will ignore ma phone calls after requesting to pay me a visit at my flat. I am not sure whether I am the only women in his life as he is having kids with the previous gf. and he will neva discuss bout the relationship he is having with the kids and their mother. Is he perhaps still seeing the kidz mother or wot? I m seriously attracted to him.shuld I get out of this ASAP or shuld I still stay and observe? we are dating for 4 months now.will things get worse in the long run or will it improve as he is saying that I should give him time as things will get better? shuld I still hang-on and what will indicate that he will be my future husband as he dont want to let go off me?
My boyfriend didn't call me for days either. I didn't know what to think... I was so worried. And for good reason, it turned out he had died. That was worst feeling in the world. That's why I always tell people call or text the ones you love to let them know you're okay. No one should ever have to go through the hell, pain, and misery i am going through. I know alot of you guys be worried too, when you can't get get in touch with your boyfriends. I hope everything works out for you guys. And I agree with you Daisy, I will never love again. I am afraid he may die.
Hey girls.. I sooooo feel uuu. I'm going thru the same thing as well. It feels horrible! It's becoming a love-hate relationship now.. can't let him go yet I'm hating each day hurting myself. I'm thinking of letting go the relationship but I dunno where to start. Maybe im just scared to be lonely but frankly, i love him like crazy.. We don't talk often (maybe like twice a month). He's life is all about himself, his family and friends.. it seems that I don't matter. What's worst is that our relationship is a distant one since about 1yr now (million miles away). His words are very hurting as well. He told me that i'm with him coz of money and that since he's white and i'm tan, he said I'm with him coz i want my kids to be light-skinned. It hurts. I feel like running away so far or perhaps disappear into thin air. My opinions were also disregarded.. i don't hv the freedom to express my feelings cause he'll never wanna listen to anything i say. I dunno why i'm still holding on, i've lost touch with the person i once knew.. he's someone i love so dearly yet he seems to be a stranger to me, comfortable in his own world where i don't even exists...
I have been told by my boyfriend several times that he loves me, but i always have to initaite contact. Well sometimes he does when i ignore his calls after he ignores mine, I have not heard from him since friday morning its saturday evening thats like 2 days in girl time in boy time its only like 2 minutes. When he doesnt call me for a couple days, I dont respond back for a day or two and then he starts to text regularly. But this time i dont think i will text or call him back at all because the last time i went over to his house he went through my phone and he seemed very curious or frustrated with my personel life and is pset because i wont allow him to know where i live or come to my house because of my child. I have only been dating him for about 3 months and i think the last time i seen him something was bothering him.
I recently got a job offer in a different country, so me and my boyfriend are in a long-distance relatioship, we usually chat on skype, but my problem is am the one who always initiates the chatting, it's been a week since i arrived, and within this week, i have called him about 4 times, and he always picks my calls, we talk, he tells me how much he misses me, and that when i would like for him to come and visit me. But my problem is, he hasn't called me even once, since i arrived, and doesn't initiate the chatting. Should i talk to him about it, or should i got silent and see if he will call. OR Should i tell him i am not happy with our communication, because i usually don't do the test thing, am usually upfront, but right now am confused...
my answer to your problem is ,we are the once who spoils our bf by calling everyday,now they just relax knowing that we will call,i have the same ptoblem with my so called bf,if i dont call him,he never calls,and if i text him he never replies me,the excuse is he is broke,so i think if you step back and be quiet that will work for you.Goodluck
I'm having the same problem. We have been together for 9 months an I feel if he dosent want to call not imagine line a couple of years down the line we live a couple hours apart an he come to see me often but now he's not callin me not answing his phone I think its time to leave an walk away I'm a good person an derserve he dose treat me good but if he dosent even call how much dose he really care. I say do what u feel I thinking of leaving him it not woth the headache. Maybe try an talk to him about it an if nothing changes then go from there. What I put out in a relationship I want back an since I'm not gettin it I'm moving on there's other out there I thought we were meant to be shame on me I guess.
during the boy-girlfriend relationship, I think a wise woman should never do the calling or texting matter, just be the receiver and be friendly and warm whener you receive his call, if even he didn't call you for a month, don't ever never try to call him, make him the one who cries for our call, if he texts you, text him back whith a sweet message and in few minutes, don't wait for long, if he calls you answer him immediately, and if you miss the call return it back ASAP. show him respect, bt teach him a lesson that he only receives what he is doing not less & not more and the responsibility in the relationship growth lies on him more.
if a guy is really inetersted in ou he will love you more and more, but giving him this big attention will only make him lazy and he will even not care to contact you as he sees you are hooked any way.
Even you had the most adorable moments together, even if you had sex, don't ever initiate contact, ever, you raise his ego this way against you. just respond if he contacts you by being sweet and cheerful.
don't be decived by this word boy-girl friend, it is a not a relationship yet, wake up, a relationship means commitment, i.e. fiance & husband.
belive me you will succeed and win his heart and full attention. Good luck
we tend to be romantic, nothing wrong with that, the wrong is that we give our hearts very early in the relationship, we dream of Mr. Prince. dream of him, but don't let him see your dreams, keep them as your secrets, say it to your self only,or friends, or even pray to God to have him, but enevr tell him, always tell him a bit less than you feel.
and if ever a guy asks you why you don"t call me, tell him because that's not my style, in this stage of the relationship where things are not clear yet, you see that's it is all in the hand of the man, and you like to wait and watch for his acts which reveals his true feelings, you don't like to force him
It is hard to resist your tendency to give it all, but try to train yourself on that
i also have same story.. i meet a guy 3 months ago then were so good together he promis to call evryday and time comes become every other day but when were together were so happy he told me his crazyly in love with me.. he go out of country for 3 days and text me everyday when he come back he quikly come to me.. and made love so good next day his busy and the next day he told me his going out of town and follow him after 3 days there.. 3 days after i told him i will go there now and he just said ok come here if you want!! i text him tell me if you like me to come! then he said its up to me! and i rep tell me if you want me to come if not i will not come! he dont rep.. till now 15 days already never call and never text thats the last time we talk'' 2 days before he left.. i told him its too hard for a woman if u will make her thinks she will be stress now thats wat he did.. so i said if u dont call me im not the one ganna call u either!! you think!(if you have mind) not me thinking...and even i cry already and punic.. i never touch my phone just to figure out why he dont call me.. my mind said that if you leave me.. thinking you want to hurt me by hannging me out of blue... he is the one will think why i dont even care if he call or not.. one warning is enough right.. he should be the onedo the first move(if ever he will return) its his foult not mine.. i guest ones or twise it will come out in his mind that why i dont persue him.. thats ganna break his ego... if not.. then i could say he dont have concience.. go to hell.. stay were u wanna stay.. you made youre bed... sleep with it.. any guys here have any opinion...
I did it for 2 years now with this guy. He ignores me months at a time. 2 months usually. I'm pretty and smart. And it hurts, mostly all the time. I tried to justify it a lot in my head. I've been justifying it the whole time. It's not that bad. Or I think of all the positives. But really, I'm just fooling myself.
2 possibilities
1) I think he might using you as his main girlfriend and he has other chicks on side. He is not that into you anymnore. He is just keeping you on the side and still looking around in his extra time when you aren't around.
2) He thinks you are in a solid relationship now and there is no need to call everyday anymore.
I hope #2 is right in your situation, but you never know!
Yea..Im having the same problem. The relationship is recent (7 months) but he's changed completely over new years (he didnt spend it with me...cancelled on me cuz we had a fight and said yes to another party).
We have a long-distance relationship so I imagine communication is VITAL. Yet, I have the feeling he only calls when he needs me. He left to india with friends on a trip on jan 2 and hasnt called since. He had a stopover in Zurich for like 12 hrs and though he promised he'll call, he never did. Just like 5 sms swearing his love to me (from his new indian number).
But no call. And lets face it...to get a tel card is fucking cheap there.
I thought he was the one, but im not going to be treated like this. My heart aches and I cry
I just dont know what to do...
boys suck! not much else say. I have the same problem with my "so called Boyfriend" we went to school together from 1st to 7th grade and i ended up moving away...many years passed. we recently just reconnected on facebook. started with an add, an email or two, an exchange of numbers, he called me first, left a voice message saying he'd hope to hear from me, like to catch up on things that sorta thing. i never called back just found him on fb later. then we started texting, hed always text first, hed text me every hour on the hour- no joke! 8 am hed text Hey Beatiful, 9am Hows my baby doing? 10 am Hey princess cant stop thinkin about u its crazy! all kinda of cute different little things that made him stand out, instead of calling me hot and sexy hed used words like beatiful and gorgeous, kinda rare to find! anyhow...point is hes super sweet, texts maybe 20 times day to check in, but problem is he worked nights when we started talking 3 months ago so we'd talk between 5am and 6pm...then hed text me on every break, use his phone when he shouldnt at work and text me as soon as work was over. but now he went to day shirt at work...he goes in early works all day then goes to bed early just to catch up, so we go all day with bearly any communication. like yesterday he text maybe 3 times a HEY, Hi!, and a How r u? hed answer very short, id answer and hed text like 12 hours later! and every saturday like today he disapears! he doesnt work weekends! today i got 1 text that read "hi!" at noon...and only cuz i texted hey hun at 10 am. now its 1:00 AM the next day and still havent heard from him. im sure he'll text me in the morning IF i stop texting him (which noon saturday I did) but i know next saturday its gonna be the same damn thing!!!! what do i do? should i ask him if he wants more time alone? and if he says ya or a yes kind of answer then ill know to drop him? or should i just not worry so much, think positive and hope for the best? oh and we are long distance, he lives in the town i grew up in, we are 3 hours from each other, and its been 3 months together which he wanted, he asked if we could date only each other, but he has never not once came to see me! i made the trip there and he ended up ditching me said he fell asleep!!!! (which i could understand cuz then he was working nights and it was during the day when hed be sleeping, he texted me til i was 1 hour away, i get into town and text here and NOTHING...so 5 minutes pass i text HEY nothing...so i call 1 time, no answer, voice mail wasnt set up yet. so i turn around go home, pissed off, hurt, crying, confused, angry. i figure we're never gonna talk again. figure he planned me to get all the way there just to be an asshole. so i get home 3 hours later and whatdoya know about 8 pm he starts texting me OMG HUN IM SO SORRY, I FELL ALSEEP, HUN, HUN TALK TO ME, BBAY PLEASE just went on and on for hours, i read em but didnt reply. i waited til the next day, kept myself busy, shut my phone off so i could escape the hurt. when i finnaly turned it back on we talked it threw, i forgave him and we've been going good. but he hasnt attempoted to see me even though hes always texting I wanna c u so bad, cant wait....blah blah blah. why hasnt he? is it cuz he just likes the attenchain and really has no intrest in ever really being with me? im sooo confused!!!! if he really wanted me the distance wouldnt keep him...right?
my boyfriend and i was together for 2 year and a few month. he rarly call me, i have to call him if i remembers. When he came to see me during school hour he told me that he cheated on me and want me to foer give him but i did not becuase it is not worth it. now think back to all the time we have spend together i missed him a lot.
@ Jenny... I feel bad for even posting this now having read your post!
Months at a time?! That's some patience, girl!
First post on this issue seems to be from 2009 and i'm here posting in 2011 = massive reality check! This seems to be a common issue for alot of people, unfortunatly
Same old story here as you girlies - my heart goes out to you all cos I know how much of a bitch the feelin is being in this situation.
Been with my boyfriend for 6 years this year, he has been working abroad since mid-2010 for a year. He's always been extremely laid back about everything - too laid back infact tbh. But he's always been there for me in the past when it mattered. Only, since he's been working abroad i'm lucky if he rings once every 2 weeks - he even forgot to ring on my birthday. He says he's been busy at work but c'mon!...Alot of us work till late (including myself) always find time in the day for the people we love, right?
Same as what alot of you have written - all sorts have gone through my head also - worst case scenarios :'( Is he cheatin? Has something happened?? What the f*** could be THAT important he has forgotten to let me know he's ok for weeks at a time???
Seems it all boils down to one question - What does his lack of communication really mean? Been frettin it for months and it's emotionally draining.
So I decided that the direct approach hasn't been working & bollocking him only makes go into a shell.
Decided to just let it go over my head & not to get angry anymore. Not going to end the relationship at this point, but all the worrying doesn't do any of us any good. It's ridiculously difficult to try and not think about it in the day and especially at night, but in retrospect...this is the PERFECT time to concentrate on yourself - have more time to yourself to do all the things you wanted to do that maybe couldn't before.
Been going over the advantages of getting on and concentrating on yourself instead of "us" & it helps:
1) If it turns out he's been cheating...screw him - you moved on ages ago
2) If he's been taking your commitment to him for granted, he won't do for much longer once he sees you're emotionally independant
3) If he is like my boyfriend and goes into a shell the more you pursue, they'll come around. And when they do, ball is in your court
4) You will feel MUCH better about yourself
And if you girlies can think of anymore please keep em coming!!
Wish all of you in same situation as myself BEST OF LUCK!! Hope it all works out for you
x
i have a serious problem,im married and dating a single guy,i know that its wrong,please dont judge me,i need advise,when we met he used to call me every half an hour,we text each other every now and then,last month i bought him a flight ticket,i took him to a holiday,which i paid for,i paid for everything b\cos i love him,unfortunately things didnt go as planned,we had a fight,i saw a picture of his girlfriend on his phone as a wall paper,and he said he was not dating anyone,we talked about and things we back to normal,then i went thru his phone and i saw hundred messages that he text to his girlfriend,and was angry to think that he never text me nor calls,im the only one who should innitiate that,the worse thing is he NEVER even say Thank you for the trip,i feel so used,and to think that i waisted my money for a total looser,someone who is no so greatful for nothing,he never buys me a gift or takes me out,nothing,what im i to him?now i have decided to step back,and concentrate on my marriage..
Omg. Really you have to ask?!!!!!!!@@wake up@
If he doesnt call you everyday it means HES BUSY!!!
Give the guy some space!! He's not a girl, chick, woman. He thinks differently. Guy's need their own time to do their own thing. While their doing their own thing, it doesn't mean they don't think about their girlfriend, or that they don't want to call/text/email you. It just means he has a life outside of just YOU, his world doesn't revolve around you 24/7.
Think about it, Would you want someone to call you everyday if you were very busy? It doesn't mean he doesnt care, or that he hates you, or that he's cheating, it means he has stuff to do!!!
Now don't get confused and think this stuff is more important then you, it's NOT! It's just eventually he has to do other stuff he's busy with. He can't always put it aside, believe me, if he sees you still (i.e. takes you out on dates, invites you over his house,etc.), he's putting you before stuff he needs to do.
Be patient. It's normal for him not to call you everyday.
i am in the same situation! please someone suggest something for me!!
im going out with this guy and in the start he was soo in to me! he would call, txt me all the time. its been 2 months now and he does not bother to contact me. when i contact him he acts like nothing is wrong. i try and ask him why he has become so busy but he avoids the question. he avoids to discuss any problem and is always in a hurry to get off the phone to me. But when i tell him i want to end it he refuses to. im so confused with what this guy wants its giving me a headache...please could someone suggest what this guy is up to? i rather sort the problem out than end. but the fact is he is not behaving like my boyfriend anymore.
Hey im in a similar sitio been with him 5years almost on and off at first he was very attentive with msgs and texts but since past few months hes been distant only contacts me and arranges to see me when he feels like it. The other day he arranged to meet up but stood me up claiming hes tired. I love him alot at times i feel like ending it i almost did a month ago but he talked me out of it saying he loves me but i dont get why he doesnt answer or return my texts till few hours later and its not as if hes busy at work as hes inbetween jobs
I dont understand the guy when he says he loves me but why blank my calls i tried talking to him in which he said he will try to change and be how he was like when we first met and it lasts for about 2days and hes back to silence again and when i ask what hes been doing in that time he gets all defensive and acts like he hasnt done anything wrong then accuses me of making him angry
I'll see how long this recent episode will go on for and if he wants to carry on im gonna pluck up the courage and end it by next weekend... Wish me luck guys