Text Message To An Ex – Don’t Ever Send Anything Like This Unless You Want To Lose Your Ex Forever

April 15, 2010 by  
Filed under Dating Advice

Dealing with a break up is never easy. Unfortunately, besides the usual roller coaster of emotions, we sometimes can’t avoid dealing with an ex who will resort to a text message such as the one my client received from her ex. She asked me not to mention her name but she wanted me to share her story with my subscribers and wanted to know how she should react to the following text message.

What I read in her e-mail absolutely shocked me. Here is her e-mail below:

Dear Elaine,

I have been a long time subscriber to your newsletters and have bought a few of your books. Thank you for all the wonderful advice you have given me through your newsletters and your books are absolutely eye opening! I have learned so much about men from all your writings, but I wanted to write to you and ask you a question about my ex boyfriend.

I was in a two year off and on relationship with this guy Ken (name changed for privacy). He was reluctant to move the relationship forward even though we were in an exclusive relationship for two years. Every time he felt that the relationship was getting too much for him to handle he’d pull back and tell me he did not want anything serious, he wasn’t ready to commit, blah, blah, blah… all the usual men excuses.

Anyway, about a month ago I bought your book Get Your Man Back and Make Him Commit. As I read it, I immediately realized the mistakes I had made with him and began implementing your advice. I told him exactly word by word what your book said in our last conversation that we had following the break up, or taking a break from the relationship.

I have to mention, Elaine that I also found his profile on a dating site shortly after, so you were right when you said in your book if he is not taking it seriously chances are he will be looking around and checking out what else is out there. Following the advice in your book I called him on that calmly by saying just the exact verbiage that you suggest in your book. And at that point I put an end to it.

It has been a little over three weeks and guess what happened? One day he called me while I was in class. He didn’t leave a message, but called me again about two hours later.

Again, I did not answer because I was still in class. Next, he sends me this text message – ‘Give me a call. I have a medical prob you should know about.’

Now, Elaine imagine my reaction when I got his text message. I mean, really, this is no joke… you don’t joke around with this kind of stuff!

I called him immediately (which was after only about fifteen minutes since he sent he that text). He did not answer the phone. Of course, I imagined the worst. I was really freaking out!

I called him again, and he still didn’t answer. I was thinking it was very cruel of him to play this kind of games with me. I thought I’d have a heart attack.

Long story short, I dialed him back four times. He was not answering. I sent him a text messages asking him to tell me what it was through text if he wasn’t able to talk on the phone at that time.

He called me back about ten minutes later. It was strange that he sounded in a mood far from being upset or depressed. In fact I noticed that his tone of voice was somewhat elated.

He asked me how I was doing but I kept asking him to tell me what it was. I assumed the worst of course even though to my knowledge neither one of us was with anybody else in the past two years that we had our weird off and on relationship.

So, he mumbles and asks me ‘Do you have herpes?’

I am like, what??

So he goes on to say that HE THINKS he has it….

So, I ask him if he went to see a doctor and he says no but he supposedly has symptoms… then he goes onto accusing ME and making assumptions that he got it from me!

The conversation becomes heated and he is pressuring me to ADMIT that I was with somebody else!

Of course I deny and tell him how dare he call me, leave me a scary text message such as this, then leave me hanging and not answer the phone which almost got me a heart attack, and on top of that accuse me of giving him an STD. So I get even more upset with him, tell him that he is on this Internet dating site and who knows who he is with, and that I am also very upset with the text message he left without identifying the disease and he didn’t answer the phone afterwards which got me even more scared.

He says he was on the phone (for work) and couldn’t answer when I called.

Anyway, we end the conversation with me basically saying I have no idea what he is talking about, never had anything like that, he calms down and we say bye.

Now, what do you think about the whole scenario, Elaine? I’d love to hear your thoughts. How should I handle this situation? I am lost!


Lost in Chicago

Deal Lost in Chicago!

There were several things that caught my attention in your story.

First of all, you say that you initiated taking the time apart with your ex. And this was a good move on your part. Now, he probably did not expect you to ignore his phone calls and started to get freaked out when you didn’t answer two of his calls.

It sounds like the kind of urgent text message he sent you was in an attempt to get your attention and to get a reaction out of you. If he really thought there was a medical concern, he would not likely come up with accusations without a solid basis such as test results from a doctor.

Telling you that HE THINKS he has something, which resembles an STD without a firm proof, a month after you last saw each other is not only stupid but downright dangerous. Clearly, he has no consideration for your feelings.

How would he feel if out of nowhere someone suggested to him that he may have an STD? Just think about how worried you were and that you assumed the worst when he did not tell you exactly what it was in a text message. How inconsiderate of him. You don’t bring these kind of bad news to someone unless you know for sure.

Secondly, if it was really this life threatening, he would have allocated a specific time to talk to you about it. You said he called you a couple of times and after that sent you a text message, but when you called him fifteen minutes after he sent that text, he did not answer the phone because he was on an important business call… Excuse me? You don’t sent this kind of urgent text message to someone potentially suggesting that they have a life threatening disease and get on a business call immediately after knowing that your phone will be ringing off the hook!

What was he thinking about?

Overall, here is what I think happened… and I don’t think this guy is a keeper since he resorts to these types of techniques for getting your attention….

Just like I say in my book Get Your Man Back and Make Him Commit. that you read, you should be expecting your guy to contact you anywhere within two months since the last time you spoke. You say it has been about a month, so you are on the right track…. Now, when he contacted you and you didn’t answer the phone after he called you twice, he must have assumed that you don’t want to have anything to do with him, and resorted to this kind of measure to get you to call him back….

He was likely acting out of being desperate and didn’t know what else he could possibly do to get you to return his call…

When you called him back four times, he was probably thinking about what he was going to say when you call him on his accusations… this is why he did not answer the phone right away… somehow I don’t buy it that he was on an important business call immediately after informing you of a possibly life threatening condition!

The guy is obviously desperate and you got him where you want him to be, maybe even too much; but frankly it sounds like he only cares about HIS feelings and has no concern for YOURS.

You need to decide if you want to be with him after what he did to you.

Now, I want to take a minute, and since this nice lady wanted to know my other subscribers’ opinions about what happened, I’d like to ask everyone of you who have read this story here to please leave a comment down below and let us know what you think of this bizarre incident!


One Response to “Text Message To An Ex – Don’t Ever Send Anything Like This Unless You Want To Lose Your Ex Forever”
  1. Sherry says:

    Elaine, This sounds like a desparate man...could you please send me his phone number? Your friend, Sherry

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