He Finally Called Me

June 30, 2010 by  
Filed under Why Men Don't Call

Hi Elaine,

I have been subscribing to your email newsletter for several months now. I first signed up when a guy I met on a dating site stopped calling me. Water under the bridge, I have since gone out with several guys but there is this one guy Ken who always called, texted me, asked me out, etc. I have to say I liked him a lot.

About a month ago he suddenly stopped calling me. After waiting to hear back from him for a whole week I finally decided to buy your book. At first I was skeptical but I read the book and found that your advice was solid and clever.

I have since stopped calling him completely, and as time went by I gave up on him and moved on.

I began dating another guy Matt. We have been out several times in the past two weeks. We have great chemistry, we make out a lot but we haven’t had sex yet. I think that Matt has stopped dating other women and is only dating me right now, but we haven’t had the talk yet. I like him a lot, but I also like Ken, the guy who didn’t call me.

Now, just a few days ago Ken suddenly texted me and wanted to see me. I texted him back, just a casual message and told him to call me. He called me immediately and we had a nice conversation.

He explained that some things happened and he had to go to the East Coast because of a family emergency. He just got back and thought about me. That’s why he texted me and wanted to see if we could get together sometime for dinner.

Elaine, I don’t know if I should give him another chance. I like him, but I don’t know if I should trust him. I understand that he had some difficult times in his life lately, but a phone call or an email explaining the situation would have been nice.

On the other hand, I like Matt. And he seems to be responsive, always invites me places, pays for everything, calls me when he says he will, etc. What should I do? Should I give Ken another chance or should I tell him I met someone else?

Your advice is appreciated!

Pat

Dear Pat,

You are not in a committed relationship with Matt. You do not owe him an explanation. What do you want? Do you want a committed relationship with this guy or do you want to continue exploring your other options?

It sounds to me that you yourself are not sure yet which guy you want to have a relationship with. With that said, you do not need to decide which one you will continue seeing because you can see them both, especially since you have not been intimate with any one of them yet.

Go out with each one of these guys until it becomes clear that you and the guy chose to be a committed exclusive couple.

I understand your fear and lack of trust, but by Ken not calling you for a while he did not break any rules. You were just dating casually and unless you made a specific date and time to get together and he blew you off, he does not owe you an explanation as to why he stopped calling you.

As far as he is concerned, you were not in a kind of a relationship that would have required an explanation. You were just dating, and his disappearance should not be a red flag.

Go out with whomever you want. If you want to see both of them, that is fine. Until one of them brings up the exclusivity talk and you agree to be mutually exclusive, you are free to do what you want.

Sincerely,

Elaine

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