Long Distance Relationship Ex Stopped Calling

I was dating the most incredible man in the world for over a year, then things started to fall apart. We were involved in a long distance relationship and in the end he said that he just felt like we were living in a movie when we actually got to be together. We had made plans for me to move out to California within the next year so we could be closer together, but he broke up with me before I could make that move.

He said that he could feel things falling apart and could feel himself pulling away (which I could, too) and that he didn't want to prolong the hurt. We were over, but he wanted to remain friends. I waited over a month after the breakup to contact him, and then the only reason I did is because I found out I have cancer (treatable). I've talked to him a handful of times since we split, mostly to keep him updated as he requested and to see how he is doing.

I made plans to fly out to California to participate in a graduate admissions interview at UCLA and contacted him about my being out there... I've only been there a few times and we did things he thought would be fun. I don't know my way around the city and since we are supposed to be friends, I asked him if he would mind playing tour guide again. We agreed that we would spend the 3 days I was out there together... Then, 2 things happened on the same day. First, I had to change my travel plans - postpone them a month so I could have another surgery (this time hopefully removing the rest of the cancer). THEN, I found out through myspace that he is casually dating someone. I sent him a message through myspace and said "Hey, how's it going? My status feed shows that you've recently updated your relationship status to reflect you are in a relationship. Are you seeing someone?" The response I got from him was "me and a friend were talking on Friday and decided to start going out and see how it goes, so yes, I am currently." My response was simply "best of luck."

I will be going out there in about a month's time for my admissions interview and he said that we would talk closer to that time to see if it would still work with his work schedule for us to hang out (which I totally understand, because I'm not going to expect that he take off work for me again after I had to change my plans.

I'm just really confused... I know that its probably a good thing that he has a rebound girlfriend, but its making me doubt if we will be able to work things out and get back together. We were talking about getting married a few months ago, and all I keep wondering is how did it go from great to nothing in 3 weeks time? I love him more than I thought it was possible to love another person, and if this is what makes him happy, then so be it, but I'd like to know if I have a chance to fix things between us.

I'm scheduled for surgery this coming Thursday. He hasn't called me after any of my surgeries, instead waits for me to call him with an update (he says that he doesn't want to bother me while I'm healing) but I would really like it if he called me once in a while to ask how I was doing... Should I call him when I get home from the hospital like I have been? I don't want to make any more mistakes that could damage the tentative friendship we have any more than it has been already.

I really have so much going on right now that I feel like I'm falling apart... Please help! My friends mean well, but using my disease to guilt him into a relationship with me is NOT an option for me. Like I said before, if friendship is the only relationship I can have with him, I will force myself to be ok with that as long as it is what makes him happy...

I'm so sorry that this turned into a novella! I hope that you have the time to read and respond to my email, because I feel like I'm about 45 seconds from drowning with all the garbage that is going on in my life.

Angela

Dear Angela,

If you want to get him back you should not stay friends with him. You need to cut all contact for now. This is basically a rule number one in my book Get Him Back if you had a chance to check it out as well.

He has a rebound girlfriend, and he is in contact with you at the same time meaning he can have his cake and eat it too. If you want to have a chance at getting him back you should avoid all contact with him.

Definitely do not contact him first anymore and keep your calls short when he calls you.

Sincerely,

Elaine