He Finally Called – Continued From Will He Call Me After a First Date Or Should I Move On
July 3, 2010 by admin
Filed under Will He Call Me?
If you have read my previous post Will He Call Me After a First Date, you remember Paula, the woman who met a guy on a first… hmmm… weekend-long date… and whom he never called…
She just e-mailed me and forwarder the guy’s e-mail he sent her earlier today.
Here is the e-mail:
hi there.
I've been out of the country on business for a while. I'd love to see you again. let me know if you're available... happy 4th!
Elaine, so here is the e-mail. I responded to him by saying “call me or text me... I am busy this weekend due to the holidays but free tonight” and he called me within minutes! We are now going on a date tonight. He is picking me up later tonight. This message is kind of urgent because I feel that our second date will determine if he wants to date me or not. If you could respond right away that would be awesome! Thanks again for all your help and for keeping me through this tough time!
So, here is my response:
Hi Paula,
Here is what happened. You had previously said that he was back on a dating site apparently checking out women on a daily basis since your first date. So, why did he decide to contact you again? Personally I am 100% sure that the reason for his two-week silence wasn’t that he was out of country as he says. C’mon, he had Internet access. And he has a phone, and all that.
The reason he was silent was because he was pissed off at you. Just like I say in my book Get Him Back, time heals, and two weeks later he got over it and called you. Why? Because after being on a dating site for a couple of weeks he has not met anyone who would strike his fancy and would feel the same in return. He still thinks you are hot, and still wants to try with you again, hoping that this time it will work out. His attraction for you is stronger than his negative emotions toward you.
Now, you don’t have to have sex. But, you must understand that if you are clear on that (and unless you consent to having sex, you should not place yourself in a situation that could lead to sexual intimacy. Go out but go home afterwards. Be affectionate, but don’t let the heat of passion steer you in the direction of sex. If you decide to go on, be aware prepared for the fact that merely having sex does not immediately create a relationship, and that you will not automatically become his girlfriend after sex.
It is ultimately up to you what you want to do. I can only tell you what the consequences could be if you decide to give it a go. If you want a casual no-strings relationship, go on with it. And frankly, lots of relationship have started with sex on a first date. Lots of marriages started this way. Yes, sex too soon can sometimes end in marriage. Or it will not. It depends on the people involved. But you should not expect that it will. Unless you know the guy well and know what he is after, you should not place expectations on him.
He may be calling you just because he thinks it is sure-fire lay since you sent him that email. He may be calling because he wants to see you once (right now) – because he is horny. He may also be calling because he still thinks there is a potential for dating regularly – I am not saying he is thinking marriage or a serious relationship. I am sure he is not thinking of it in those terms.
Be natural and let him take the lead. If he prompts you for getting a hotel room again, you know for sure why he even called you today. If he is ok with just spending time together, that means he actually likes you as in “date” terms, not just a booty call.
Be observant and careful. And you will find out soon enough what he is after.
since he called after a date i think he likes you
He apparently has nothing else going for him. He went and looked, and couldn't find another date. Maybe he doesn't like you all that much. He wants a quick hook up. Don't even respond to this guy!
He owed her nothing, even though they spent this ridiculous 3-day "first date" together.....there was no relationship there, yet. But obviously something interested him in her, so he contacted her again 2 weeks later....again, this woman jumps at the first chance to be with the guy by texting him immediately and telling him she's available TONIGHT. In my opinion, it would have been better to have waited till after the 4th of July weekend was over, several days before she responded to his email, then let him contact her and allow him to ask her out, before she offered herself up to him. He would have respected her more for it.
Thank you Christina,
I don’t necessarily agree with your observations. First, she sets the date on her own pace by telling him "I am busy this weekend due to the holidays but free tonight" thus being assertive. She is not changing her plans for him, but she also lets him know that she likes him enough to see him right away.
Men want to be liked. Men want to feel special. She makes him feel special by not playing mind games.
Secondly, she shows confidence in herself because she is not trying to artificially inflate her worth by telling him she is not available when in fact she is available.
This is very attractive to men – a woman who has the true confidence in herself to not try to be someone who she isn’t.
Men respect honesty and candor, while they can’t stand manipulation.
When a man sees that a woman tries to artificially inflate her worth by telling him she is not available due to her "high desirability" it sends him a strong signal – she is:
1. Insecure
2. Manipulative
Both of these are major turnoffs.
I think the guy gave her another chance because despite what had happened she shows a lot of confidence and doesn’t play games.
She openly lets him know that she likes him and makes him feel good about himself by showing him that he is liked at the same time without losing composure.
That’s probably her strongest attribute that made him change his mind and give her another shot despite his initial reluctance.
Not sure I would contact this guy back. When someone 'disappears' after they've first met or been communicating with you and then surfaces again usually the reasons for this behaviour are not 'good'. Usually they've been meeting/trying to meet/ considering meeting someone else and it hasn't worked out.
That means you were relegated you to 'second best' perhaps beecause they weren't interested enough or you did not meet their criteria.
The feeling sucks. Self esteem and respect as a woman are important. In this woman's case the man was upset with her after this so called date and likely went looking elsewhere.
Now he is at her door again, already she is 'offering up ' herself as available immediately. I'd love to know how old these people are.
PS I would NOT recommend sex on the first date to anybody unless you are expecting things to end there. If a guy tried that with me I wouldn't assume he likes me so much he finds me irresistable. I would assume he does that with every woman he meets and will not hang around afterwards.
That sort of behaviour kills relationships IMO