It's Not You. It's Me. What Does It Mean?

January 15, 2010 by  
Filed under commitment

What does it mean when a guy says, it's not you, it's me? Have you ever heard a guy say, It's not you, it's me? Of course, you have.

You may have even noticed a pattern in your dating life. You meet a guy, you get involved in a whirlwind romance, and things are moving along wonderfully for a couple of months. Then you are suddenly thrown by the serious talk: he’s met someone else and wants a break up.

He may not even tell you straight-up he's got someone else, but you know something's cooking up there. You know he's not honest with you. And when you ask what has happened between the two of you, you are given a similar answer every time; well, it's just not there; there is something missing. You deserve better. I don't know what it is... it's not you, it's me... I don't deserve you.... you are too wonderful for me...

well, it's better to know sooner rather than later.... and at least he was honest and didn't string you along much longer....

But this line, it's not you, it's me! What is up with that? Do men always say it when they want out and don't want to hurt us? And why did he not notice that there was something missing when you first started dating? How come he had to wait until you are two months into a relationship?

Here is what I think; all this time he's been out looking.... perhaps not actively, but keeping his eyes open.... while dating you.... As long as there was nothing else, you were his Friday night date, but as soon as something else came along... well, you know what happened?

And it's good it happened now, before you got involved with him too deeply... I discuss the issue of men who feel this way about their long-term, and live-in girlfriends in my Guide To Commitment.

Can you imagine what it's like to live with a guy who is keeping his eyes open while you are sleeping with him, cooking for him and building your life around him?

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