Why Did He Stop Calling After Sex - The Male Perspective
July 5, 2010 by admin
Filed under Why Men Don't Call
Why did he stop calling after sex? I get asked this question over and over, and I have already addressed it in my book Why Men Stop Calling, but since it seems that this is the most heated question - why men stop calling after sex, I want to answer it again right here in this post.
I am going to give you male perspective on this. The truth is – who would be that idiot male to dump a woman because she put out?
Here is the truth about men which if you are like most women you have no clue about: men dream about that day when he gets a woman, takes her out on a date, and gets to have sex with her! And if she puts out sooner, it is even better!
It is super tough for a man to get a woman’s number. Men get rejected right and left. Women refuse to give them their numbers. Women give them fake numbers. Women do not answer the phone when men call. Women do not return their phone calls majority of time. There are actually books written for men on how to get a woman’s real phone number and make her return your phone call which cost starting at $100 and up!
When a guy is lucky he gets a woman out on a date once in a blue moon. That’s a blessing in the sky. What a lucky day!
Here is what happens next: He takes her out and he has to pay for everything no matter if he is attracted to her or not; he still is expected to pay. He has to entertain her and make sure she likes him, and that she will go on a second date. 6 months of dry spell and $5,000 in restaurant expenses later he finally gets one who actually is open to his advances. He takes her out – once, twice, three times, ten times etc. and she – manna is falling from heaven – finally agrees to have sex with him!
Why would he trade a sure-fire lay for another 6 months of dry spell plus $5,000 in restaurant bills and movie tickets? NO WAY! He wants to make sure he will see her again!
So, why would he not call? I’ve asked my guy friends. Here are the answers:
- She was mean to him or is just plain mean bitch in general
- The sex was no good (in which case it’s best to find out sooner rather than later and avoid multiple dates leading to bad sex)
- He knew up-front that he wasn’t attracted to her but he had sex just because she offered
- Bad smell
That’s it!
See, men are easy to understand. It’s just that we, the females are conditioned to over-analyze too much. If sex was good – he is guaranteed to call you! If he is attracted to you – he will want to see you again (not just for a hook up, but companionship, activities, etc.)
If he isn’t attracted to you – he will only call you for a hook up but will not take you out, have you meet his friends and family, etc. This is how you know if he is just killing time with you or wants more than just sex.
Physical attraction is important, but there has to be a mental and emotional connection and friendship for him to want to see you as a relationship potential and not just a hook up.
If you want to make sure he falls head over heels in love with you, and if I am right about you, you do want that – regardless of your age, your looks or anything else, read How To Make Him Fall In Love!
And if you are still not clear on why he stopped calling you, Get The Book == > Here
A strong argument which I do tend to agree with is that a guy who is really interested will wait for sex. True? Yes, absolutely! However, that same guy who is really interested will not dump you if you have sex too soon either. Has this ever occurred to you?
What kind of a guy will dump a woman after sex? The one who was not interested in her in the first place and was only after sex. But that same guy would dump a woman anyway if she waited for two or three months before having sex. If he is really interested, he will not dump you regardless - sex or no sex. If he is not really that interested he will dump you either way – with or without sex.
Lastly, I polled multiple guys and asked – how long will you wait to have sex before you give up? They’ve all said – it doesn’t matter; if she is the right woman and is only putting it off because of her own insecurities, they will respect that and wait as long as needed for her to be convinced that he is in for more than just sex.
I asked, what would be the reason you stop seeing a woman before you have sex with her?
The answers were:
- No passion/not affectionate – she didn’t seem interested in him sexually – no hand holding, passionate kissing, cuddling, and other signs that indicate to a guy she is into him
- Did not like her personality after he got to know her better
- She wasn’t easy going and always created obstacles in dating her by not answering his calls, setting rules as to how many days in advance he has to call her to ask her out, and did not seem particularly encouraging
How many relationships started with sex on a first date? Many. If two people are into each other it doesn’t matter how long to wait for sex – it will not change the outcome.
I once saw an interview in which the women being interviewed admitted that yes some relationships have started with sex on first date. Those women strongly argued that those times were exceptions rather than rules. On a flip side, ask yourself, how many dates have I done on that did not result in sex, and which DID NOT end in relationships? You will see that going on a date and NOT having sex does not guarantee a relationship either.
If you go out on 100 dates, perhaps one will result in a relationship and marriage. By the same token, if someone were to hypothetically go on 100 dates and have sex at the end of each one, how many would result in a relationship leading to marriage? One? See, the statistics are unknown because I am sure no one sleeps with a hundred guys. But the outcome is still the same.
Also, thanks to a commenter on this page, who is a living proof that sex on a first date can lead to a strong, lasting marriage.
A man who is so superficial as to judge a woman for truly being herself, for enjoying herself, and for not playing mind games is not someone you want in your life anyway – trust me. If he is such a judgmental, double-standard and superficial individual as to change his mind about a woman who was in the same bed with him, than be thankful that you found out sooner rather than later and did not invest time in an individual whose judgment of character is influenced by an artificial set of rules and who gives respect contingent of whether a woman plays head games or is being an authentic individual.
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