Should You Text Him First After a First Date Question From a Reader

March 2, 2011 by  
Filed under should i call him

If you’ve gone out on a date with a guy and are now wondering whether you should date him first, this article is for you.

Texting has become the preferred method of communication of many. Texting, while it does not replace the real life conversations and telephone calls, is a great way to exchange short messages, set up dates and exchange the details of the time and the location of the next date.

Many men prefer texting women in the beginning of courtship as it is easier to face potential rejection over text by simply not getting a response even though it seems rude. Yes, it is rude, but it is also clear – no return text means lack of interest in seeing the person again.

But what if you are wondering whether the guy likes you or not, and thus whether you should wait for his text or a call or should you move on? Waiting for days and sometimes for even longer than a week hoping that a text message from him will at some point appear on the screen on your Blackberry or your iPhone can be a nerve wrecking experience.

Should you text him first after a first date or should you wait? Is it ok to text a guy first after a first date? What will he think of you if you text him first? If you are single and dating, all of these and many similar questions can come up for you at one time or another.

Here is an e-mail I received from a subscriber to my newsletters:

Hi Elaine,

I purchased your book Should I Text Him and I really enjoyed it. I would like to answer you a question about my specific situation with this guy, and I hope you will respond.

I was recently a member of a dating site, but due to lack of time I decided to not renew my paid subscription. On my last day on that dating site an attractive man contacted me. I made him aware that I was interested but that it was my last day on the site. Thus we exchanged e-mails and phone numbers. After a telephone conversation we decided to meet for coffee.

We met last Friday around lunch time at Starbucks. Neither one of us was working that day. We talked for a couple of hours after which he said he had to go run some errands (which he had mentioned he had to do).

He walked me to my car and reiterated that he really liked me and wanted to see me again. Then he told me to text him whenever I wanted to hang out, and he was very persistent.

I texted him on Tuesday saying How are things? He immediately responded saying he was busy and asked me the same question. After I responded he asked me if I wanted to get together again for coffee and I said, sure, what are you doing right now?

He said he was busy and ‘today isn’t a good day for me but the rest of the week is pretty open’. I said ok.

Later that day I texted him saying I could meet him on Wednesday or Friday at noon. He said, let’s do Friday for sure and maybe tomorrow unless I have to meet with my accountant but I will find out tomorrow and let you know in the morning.

The following day he texted me at around 2 PM saying he woke up with a flu and had been in bed all day. I said Get well. At that point I thought he was blowing me off and that would be the end of it. However he texted back, Thanks I’ll see you Friday.

Thursday evening he texted me to find out if we were still on for Friday. I had some things to do on Friday and told him I could only see him for a half hour unless he could give me a ride afterwards to some place I had to go to in the afternoon. He said that he had to be back home in the afternoon and thus could not give me a ride but he wasn’t sure. He said he’d find out in the morning and let me know.

I expected a text message in the morning. I thought either way I would find out if he was all that interested. He didn’t text me, but called me to tell me that unfortunately he would not be able to give me a ride but that he would love to see me some other time or even give me a ride if I ever need it.

Elaine, I am confused. Do you think he likes me or is he just being polite?

Thank you,


Hi Jenny,

You aren’t his first priority as you shouldn’t be. You’ve just met. Give it some time. You can’t expect him to change his schedule around for you after only one date.

He seems mildly interested. No, he is not all over you, and that’s ok. He is still fishing and casting his net all over. Be patient and see where it goes. Don’t text him all the time. Men want to be pursuers, but only when the woman is interested. You’ve showed him that you are interested. See where he takes it and don’t panic if he doesn’t jump into a serious relationship with both feet right away. You’ve only been on one date, and the fact that he is texting and calling is a better sign than silence.


PS: For more tips on texting download my FREE guide 4 Critical Rules For Texting Men - Simply put your name and email address in the form below to receive this FREE guide by email!

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